Its been a while since I wrote or posted anything and as I sit here typing this blog entry I’m not sure what the content will be about…
The last few months have been a battle to stay motivated and focused and it is a battle that I’ve lost more than once.
I’ve been trying to convince myself to sit down and write something, to get up and go and train, to do something…anything, but no amount of scolding or pep talks seem to help me get my backside in to gear.
It’s not that I haven’t done anything, I have been busy and I have been doing things that I have committed to, but no promise I’ve made to myself seem to matter that much.
I’ve made so many promises to myself that I haven’t kept, that I’ve stopped taking my word for anything…
I promised myself that I would write at least one entry a week and that didn’t happen. I’ve promised myself that I would lose weight and be healthier by my son’s first birthday, but I still feel like a baby whale. I promised myself that I wouldn’t just sit at home all day, yet I seem to have developed cabin fever. And the list goes on and on.
I’ve made so many excuses and some of them are valid. Xavier was in hospital again and that was emotionally draining. Kids and husband are a constant. Household responsibilities never seem to get any less. So, yeah, life is busy, but the thing is; it’s always going to be busy and we will always be moms, wives etc.
What happens when you are so busy with just being a mother and a wife that you stop being you?
The rolls of “mom” and “wife” always seem to take top priority. Don’t get me wrong, I really love being a wife and a mother, but sometimes I miss just being me. The moment we hold that little creature in our arms we are reprogrammed to put them first, sometimes to our own detriment. It isn’t always a bad thing, but what happens when we lose ourselves in this role?
What happens when you are so busy with just being a mother and a wife that you stop being you? What happens when all these responsibilities become excuses that stop us from keeping our promises to ourselves?
I’ve been battling so much with this that sometimes I just stop thinking about it, because I’m too exhausted. I know that I have to stop making excuses. I know I have to stop saying “tomorrow” or “maybe next week”. I know that its time for me to take back my dreams and goals and fight for them. Not fighting for them, for myself, is also not fair to my little tribe. They need me to be me, to be the best version of me. You know what they say; “happy wife, happy life”. What I don’t know is how I’m actually going to change this, but I know I have to try. Even if it is only one step at a time, even if I fail some days, I will do this.
I don’t want to be last in my own life forever.
We need to not lose ourselves. We need to put ourselves first sometimes. We have to remember who we are without the ‘mom’ and ‘wife’ label. And we definitely have to start being the leading ladies of our own lives.